Work in Progress: My Fledgling Web Site
2002-06-10 - 4:05 p.m.
handwriting on the wall
MORE E-MAILED STUFF
some old.... some not.......
Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.----Women's restroom,
Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE.
Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"--- Rest
stop off Route 81, West Virginia.
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting
up with her crap.---Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North
Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married!---Women's restroom, The
Filling Station, Bozeman, Montana
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to
have trouble with it.---Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas
No wonder you always go home alone.---Sign over mirror in Men's restroom,
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA
Beauty is only a light switch away.--- Perkins Library, Duke University,
Durham, North Carolina.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.---The Irish Times,
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.---Written in
the dust on the back of a bus, Flagstaff, Arizona.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.--- Revolution
Books, New York, New York
Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.---Men's
restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
Please don't throw your cigarette butts in the urinal. It makes them soggy
and hard to light.---The Janitor
What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your
hands.---Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, KY
2002-06-10 - 4:01 p.m.
MAKING THE ROUNDS ON E-MAIL
2002-06-09 - 10:42 p.m.
rules for CATS
Rules for Cats to Live By!
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not
necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.
Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get
door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with
forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary
to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door
opened, stand halfway in and out and think about
several things. This is particularly important
during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito
CHAIRS AND RUGS:
If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If
you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug.
If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When
throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so
it is as long as a humans bare foot.
If one of your humans is engaged in some activity
and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This
is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering."
Following are the rules for "hampering:"
1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the
left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and
thereby stand a better chance of being tepped on and
then picked up and comforted.
2) For book readers, get in close under the chin,
between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the
3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most
appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the
work as possible or at least. Pretend to doze, but
every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.
4) For people paying bills or working on income
taxes or Christmas cards, keep in mind the aim: to
hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on.
When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the
table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on
the papers, scattering them to the best of your
ability. After being removed for the second time,
push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one
at a time.
5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of
him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper.
Humans love to jump.
6) When human is working at computer, jump up on
desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on
screen and then lay in human's lap across arms,
hampering typing in progress.
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as
possible in front of the human, especially: on
stairs, when they have something in their arms, in
the dark, and when they first get up in the morning.
This will help their coordination skills.
Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot
When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much
litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the
feel of kitty litter between their toes.
Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans
cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four
hours under any circumstances. This will cause the
humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you
have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the
humans will cover you with love and kisses and you
will probably get a treat.
ONE LAST THOUGHT:
Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially
their face, turn around, and present your butt to
them. Humans love this, so do it often. And don't
2002-06-09 - 6:11 p.m.
Everything I need to know about life,
I learned from Noah's Ark...
One: Don't miss the boat.
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah
built the Ark.
Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old,
someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job
that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high ground.
Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage.
The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs;
the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God,
there's always a rainbow waiting.
2002-06-09 - 5:32 p.m.
How does it happen that on a given day everything appears rosy and quite manageable, and the very next day - with no appreciable change in circumstances - the very same things seem quite overwhelming. What dynamics are capable of causing such a shift in perception. "They" (you know them) say: Change your mind & you can change your life. True, but I don't recall consciously changing my mind, so how did it happen? Is it due to a chemical imbalance? Anything & everything we ingest - regardless of how benign - has an influence on the body which is in a perpetual state of attempting to maintain its own equilibrium. Is it in the air? A combination of pollens, chemicals & misc. pollution stirred up by the wind & inhaled. Or is a deficiency of some - unknown to me, but - very necessary chemical. If that were the case, how would I ever be able to identify it. Or maybe it's none of the above, & is due to things completely out of my control like the phases of the moon or gravitational pull. Maybe it has to do with the necessary experiencing of opposites (you can't know what happy feels like if you've never been to sad) ... I have no answers, only questions, & in the meantime I feel like CRAP ... I think I'll take a nap.
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