Work in Progress: My Fledgling Web Site
2002-05-28 - 6:33 p.m.
i have the next 3 days off & not a commitment in sight ... other than the commitment to myself to be totally self-indulgent ... have spent most of my life marching to the beat of someone else's drum so that doing what i want, when i want, if i want is a true pleasure ... the pure luxury of not having to set the alarm & just allow my personal body clock waken me when i've had enough sleep is tantamount to heaven on earth ... :-)
i've always valued my privacy & alone time ... & i do enjoy my own company ... but no more so than in recent months ... tried the roommate thing, but it just didn't work out ... won't get into the sordid details but i did learn the true meaning of: "being alone is not half as bad as wishing you were" ...
free to BE! .... can only be truly appreciated if you haven't been allowed/permitted to paint your own canvas, define who you are, make your own decisions without seeking approval from significant others ... now don't get me wrong, i fully realize that at some point in time i did give my power away & even if it might not have been a conscious choice, it was a choice none-the-less, i could have changed my mind/life at any time, but doing nothing about it - regardless of how powerless it made me feel - was a choice i made over & over again ... BUT, no more ... that was then >>> this is now: " ... I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul ..." (Invictus, Wm Ernest Henley) ... who could've known that choosing not to seek "approval" from others - regardless of how close they are - could be so liberating ... i blame no one - even myself, for at the time i just didn't know any better ... "This above all: to thine own Self be true ..." (Shakespeare - Hamlet, Act I) ... this is where true happiness lies, & if not happiness - then at the very least: contentment ... a very favorite quote: "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." - Gandhi ... at this moment: i am very happy ... :-)
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