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2002-06-03 - 6:09 p.m.


this has to do with a surprising observation after my birthday ... it is about seeing my mother (who's been gone for 2 years now) out of the corner of my eye when i glance at myself in the mirror ... a closer look does not reflect an image matching the one of myself in my mind's eye ... this has all taken place beyond my notice ... i hardly recognize the face & body that stares back at me as mine ... it is more than just wrinkles &/or grey hairs ... it is a thickening in the waist, breasts inching themselves toward my waist, butt flattened and saggy ... who is this person? ... how could i have not noticed this before, when a day does not go by that i don't do a face-to-face with that very mirror as i ready myself for work or play? ... the "me" in my mind "feels" the same, in that i don't have a sense of being an "old" person - physically i feel as good as - if not better - than at any other time in my life - no aches or pains or chronic conditions "old" people complain about ... the question at hand is: what do i do/how do i respond to this turn of events? ... do i actively work on bringing the body image in my mind in line with the image i see in the mirror so as not to continue this self-deception? ... is it necessary to do anything? ... more thought will have to be given to this "new" reality ...


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